Wednesday, November 30, 2011

He Has Left Us

No one can prepare you for a beloved parent's passing. Even when you know it is inevitable, you are not prepared for the grief that you will feel, and no one can convey the depth of it to you in advance.

My father passed away on 11/11/11, Veteran's Day and also the Canadian Day of Remembrance. It felt like he slipped out through a tear in the space-time continuum.

My family entered a fugue state. We all could help take care of arrangements, but at the same time each of us felt a sense of unreality cloak our world. The words surreal and unimaginable took up a predominant place in our vocabulary during the week after his passing.

The sense of surreality is but slowly fading as memories of my father grow stronger each day.  Shared stories of times with him has made us all smile through our daily tears.

I will forever feel his presence inside me when I make decisions, hug a loved one, or observe the unbounded sky overhead. I will miss him immensely.


Unknown said...

What a moving description of the emotional state you and your family is in right now. I was so moved by your words. I must admit to the dread I feel for when this is mine to experience. I love and cherish my parents so much and fear the day they pass on.
The photos of your dad are touching, especially the one of him as a young, impish boy.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sharon said...

Thank you, Erin, for the thoughts and prayers. It is indeed hard to describe this emotional state. It is difficult to keep the feelings to one side while you go about your necessary daily tasks, but you manage, and every week you get a little better at it.

Yes, the impish photo of Dad as a young farm lad really captures the essence of his spirit. My dad was a great tease and was very sociable until the last six months of his life when he started losing the battle against Alzheimer's.

We were blessed that he knew us until the end. He would look at us deeply with those soulful eyes, squeeze our hands, and say "I love you SO much."

When your own parents pass, you will find anguish but you can also find strength in knowing that they would not want you to be consumed by sorrow and in knowing that they have gone to a better place.

shellie said...

oh so very sorry. i can only hope things will feel lighter sooner rather than later.

Brenda said...

Sharon, my thoughts and prayers are with you. :) I love the photos you shared with us - what a handsome young man! Big big hug. xo

Cindy said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a year and a half ago, and your description brought back so many feelings from the days surrounding his death. I'm thinking of you during this emotional time.

Sharon said...

Brenda, thanks for your thoughts and prayers. Yes, my dad was a handsome guy. He hated it when he started going bald at age 23, so he took to always wearing a hat. It became his trademark accessory. The hats, his deep eyes, and the mischievous grin--they all are permanently etched in my memory.

Cindy, looking back at that time when you wrote in your blog about your dad having passed, I now realize that I had no conception of the depth of pain that a parent's death would bring. I am sorry that my post brought back those emotions again for you. Thank you so much for your kind thoughts.